I’m Slow

I’m slow at pretty much everything. I procrastinate. I take my time. I want it to be perfect. I don’t want to rush.

I’m slow at picking up the latest trends. I don’t usually acquire latest fashions until years after they become a thing, if at all. And I remember that when my family went to go do things when I was growing up, I was usually the last one ready to go.

Lately I’ve been able to see my slowness through a different lens. I’m beginning to appreciate that not everything has to be done right away or the fastest.

I’ve always felt lots of pressure, both from culture and internally, to hurry up and go, go, go. Be the best and get the most as fast as you can. And even though I am action oriented and really enjoy the satisfaction of getting lots done, fast, and checking off boxes, I’m also kinda slow. I don’t necessarily like being slow. But I am slow.

Change in myself is one of the slowest things. To watch it happen and want it to just be done — hurry up! — is almost agonizing. To think, I should have this down by now; why am I still learning this? That is the slowness I am most learning to appreciate, to allow the natural process to unfold without hurry or pressure. To accept that I cannot actually force change.

At least I am changing at all.

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